Life is Hard.
And it doesn’t seem to get any easier.
It isn't always hard.
But of late, it has been.
Today has been rough. Yesterday was rough. And I suspect tomorrow will be rough.
Emotionally, that is.
Teary. Sad. Emotionally drained.
Is my life good?
Oh my goodness!
With a resounding,
YES, IT IS.
Is my life great?
Then, what can possibly be so emotionally draining causing my eyes to leak when I am least expecting, causing me to want to go home from work and stare at the just begun Christmas décor?
What I had merely wanted to “talk about” resulted in something ending.
What began as a
“I don’t think we should be……,”
turned into a
That's not what I actually said...
But that was what was heard.
Wow. I’d say MIS communication.
A whopper this time.
I’ve never had that happen to me before.
And I hope it never happens to me again.
But….I’m human, and it very well may.
Well, I had to talk about some seemingly awkward stuff last night.
"Talk" being the key word here.
It tore my heart up to have to just talk about it, but I needed to.
Why is that?
It wasn’t about anything bad.
Nothing that couldn’t easily be immediately remedied.
Nothing that anyone else couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about.
I believe it totally, unintentionally, ended a friendship, a good relationship.
And for that,
I am grieving.
For what was.
For what could have been.
And for what it is now.
My own doing.
I’m learning that tears may be one of the simplest ways to listen to my life.
In this world of busyness and chaos.
I get flustered easily?
Do I ever get flustered easily.
At least, of late, I do.
I am so composed and otherwise unflappable.
Except when I am anxious….
When I have that butterfly feeling in my tummy.
Oh, those butterflies.
I am kind.
I try to live my life that way.
And more than almost anything in life, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone someone that I care deeply about.
Although I was extremely kind, I know that I hurt someone’s feelings.
What I was trying to say just wouldn’t come out just right.
And the response didn’t help any.
And for that reason, life is hard today.
It has been rough, and it will probably continue to be rough.
I, along with a few of my fellow Prayer Warriors, are hounding heaven on this person’s behalf.
And on mine.
That past relationships don’t taint our lives.
That we know who we are in Christ, and that we know what Christ would have us to do.
That God provides us both with the desires of our heart and with the desires of His.
Although I would rather they didn’t stream down my face, they really are a gift from my Creator.
They are His most natural reminder that I am alive.
That I am human.
That I am kind.
And that I care about others.
Like I haven't heard that all my life. (insert sweet sarcasm)
I would kind of like to be reminded I am those things without my eyes leaking, my face becoming moist, and my makeup smearing.
But then Jesus reminds me that he cried.
In John 11:35.
That even He wept.
“32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.”
So, when I am sad because I am crying and wondering why my eyes are continuing to leak,
I remember this.
Jesus was kind.
He loved others.
He was loyal.
And I am an extension of Him.
And I try and smile.
When I grieve over my MIS communication style, I remember that
Jesus was often misunderstood.
By good people.
By people that loved Him
And just when I think that life has a way of handing me a curveball,
in an otherwise, seemingly straight ball kind of game,
My heart’s desires.
And He has me in the palm of His hand.
My prayer today is that you, too, know that God knows your every thought, want, desire, and hurt.
And…..YOUR very future.
And that you not only know this, but you LIVE it!
Onward and Forward!